Left Behind weekend

"Sooooooo, the rapture's this Saturday. You goin? Yeah, me neither... there's gonna be all those boring people and really, I just don't have anything suitable to wear".

This weekend is all about DRINKS AND DOOM! With this apocalyptic masterpiece scheduled for Friday night's CMN and sunday's Left Behind post-rapture welcome back sunny days game there's going to be a whole lot of good times to be had before it all goes down in flames. We're ok with that.

CMN St. Patty's Day Edition: Leprechaun

The movie Jennifer Aniston wishes she could forget.

CMN @ The Movies: I Love You Phillip Morris

Showdown in Little Tokyo

Dolf Lundgren. 'Nuff said.

Trick R Treat

Straying just a bit from our "Cheesy but not knowing it's cheesy" mantra not to mention it was actually really enjoyable. Never fear though, there way plenty to make fun of. Pumkin headed sack boy with his stab stabbing lolly made sure of that.

Wicked Little Things

You thought children were creepy? How about zombie ghost children... who are like zombies but maybe more like ghosts but not really either and only really creepy because the acting is so bad and the living characters so incredibly horror movie stupid.

Out on Parole

You thought it was a ligit movie because of the quality photoshopping on the cover? After 5 minutes of the most revolting acting, insanely offensive stereotypes and camera work that looks like it was done via someone's iPhone you realize you were wrong. Very, very, very, veeeeeerrrrrryyyyyy wrong.

Mega Shark v. Giant Octopus

One would have thought that something with such a fucking awesome name couldn't go wrong. After discussion however we decided they must have blown their entire budget getting 80's teen pop star Debby Gibson to play the lead and this explains why all the special effects and CG are regurgitated for use through the entire movie.

I promise, you only need to watch the trailer... because well, that IS the entire movie. Every good line, every awesome action scene is in the trailer... then they recut it over and over and over and over for 2 goddamn hours.

Possibly the weirdest part of a really weird movie? The Pointless flashing which should be reserved, at the very least, for scene changes but the director obviously disagrees.

Steel Dawn

Our tribute to Mr. Swayze, this classic is one we're not sure anyone on the face of the planet has seen. But throw in some sandpeople, random headstands and a scene of leather jockstrap adjustment with a quick cut to a small child and this one had us laughing so hard there were tears and gasping for breath.

Below is NOT the aforementioned jockstrap scene however this movie is filled with glorious suiting up scenes and this one is not short on akward package closeups.

Brainscan

Roadhouse

Shoot 'Em Up

The most awesomest sex scene. Ever.

Surfer, Dude

Waves, Evil Video Game Empires, Goats and Weed. Loooooots of weed.

It’s weird, confusing, ridiculous, with the most strangely bizarre “plot” I’ve seen in a movie which also has a lot of famous people in it.

There’s lots of weed smoking and surfers and more weed and goats and Willy Nelson (smoking weed) and then something about making a video game because the waves have magically disappeared and I’m pretty sure the entire cast, crew and post-prod team was ACTUALLY high during the entire thing.

Reviews we liked:
This one's long but hilarious!
http://www.pajiba.com/film_reviews/surfer-dude-review.php

Starship Troopers

"You can't just step on these bugs"

Reviews we liked:
http://www.badmovies.org/othermovies/startroopers/

"it's afraid..... IT'S AFRAID!!! HA HA HA HA YEEEAHHHH!!!!"

Double Team

Basketball players can't act. And neither can action movie stars.

Reviews of this movie we loved:
http://shittymovienight.com/2009/05/20/double-team/

Beastmaster

Beastmaster! Master of bad movies!

Reviews we liked for this movie:
http://www.ruthlessreviews.com/1417/beastmaster-the/